I understand.. what makes for the worst nightmares.. It's an extended lifespan, in mediocrity.. Being forced from all quarters, into a route which is nothing but common.. which holds no possibilities for "me", it is a future i incessantly avoid, and yet am forced into nothing but the same.. As before.. I lose my expression..
Why would anyone want to analyze me.. how can one even do so... I look at myself as a conlomeration of lies.. and i don't know what to feel. .is it worth thinking about.. what regard i am held in? Does it need contemplation, to decide whether or not i am deserving of being called a failure.. For being a failure is in some respects better than being what I am.. To fail, a man needs to have tried.. i escape the effort.. perhaps to escape from failure.. Perhaps.. But I think not.. It merely is because I am grown too used to the state.. of nothingness..
I tried to have others save me.. Nobody bothered.. I tried to save myself.. I found out that even I couldn't be bothered.. What does that bode for me?
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