People are people always.... Trusting them is always a weakness.. I don't know why i do it.. Friends are a luxury i cannot afford.. I don't know what they have against me.. but something or the other always has to interfere.. .No matter how much i try not to offend anyone.. They simply must bring everything crashing down.. I have given up on emotions.. feelings.. Now am I to forget even what friends are like? It may well have been that i never knew..
What is it that made me chose to walk the path of normalcy in the first place? Once a lone wolf, always a lone wolf.. I would do well to not get that lesson out of my mind ever again.. I am tired.. of being used as a stepping stone.. for some ends, for a purpose.. I have had enough.. of trying to justify my existence.. It's time to do what i should have never let go of..
Noone matters.. and shouldn't..
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
More reflections, brought on by the words of a friend(?)
I understand.. what makes for the worst nightmares.. It's an extended lifespan, in mediocrity.. Being forced from all quarters, into a route which is nothing but common.. which holds no possibilities for "me", it is a future i incessantly avoid, and yet am forced into nothing but the same.. As before.. I lose my expression..
Why would anyone want to analyze me.. how can one even do so... I look at myself as a conlomeration of lies.. and i don't know what to feel. .is it worth thinking about.. what regard i am held in? Does it need contemplation, to decide whether or not i am deserving of being called a failure.. For being a failure is in some respects better than being what I am.. To fail, a man needs to have tried.. i escape the effort.. perhaps to escape from failure.. Perhaps.. But I think not.. It merely is because I am grown too used to the state.. of nothingness..
I tried to have others save me.. Nobody bothered.. I tried to save myself.. I found out that even I couldn't be bothered.. What does that bode for me?
Why would anyone want to analyze me.. how can one even do so... I look at myself as a conlomeration of lies.. and i don't know what to feel. .is it worth thinking about.. what regard i am held in? Does it need contemplation, to decide whether or not i am deserving of being called a failure.. For being a failure is in some respects better than being what I am.. To fail, a man needs to have tried.. i escape the effort.. perhaps to escape from failure.. Perhaps.. But I think not.. It merely is because I am grown too used to the state.. of nothingness..
I tried to have others save me.. Nobody bothered.. I tried to save myself.. I found out that even I couldn't be bothered.. What does that bode for me?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
For A Friend
A smile worth a thousand lives,
Cheering up a billion souls
Feeling pain in the torrents of fire
One sweet mistake in the flush of youth
Madness of hellfire burning, seething
Voices in the vines, feeling, feeling
like unwanted melodies, merging.
In symphonies unyielding,
playing the organs of fate,
twisting around the unwritten tales.
Ironies fester like an open wound..
Wishing for a life, an unbroken sound.
Dreams of a glade, untouched by taint
Reality stares, falling, breaking.
DOPE
I have had one too many cigarettes
lit by the promise of insignificant days
Heard the whispers going around,
Tipped up too many empty bottles,
too far in madness have I drowned.
Too many butts have I stubbed out,
While I waited on a traffic light
that never turned green.
Blown the dust of books never opened
Like a long dead face that's lost it's sheen.
Choked too many thoughts to a late death,
In the poison of a thousand burnt ashes.
Feared the days when I couldn't get a fix
On fleeting desires milling about in the wind.
Like a lighter giving false clicks.
Too few unspoilt dreams remain,
the fragments I have thrown away,
Forgotten in the broken pipes, left to rot
Disjointed noises have woken me up,
Drawing the last straws from the pot.
FIRE
Fanatics Fight their heads, and the story wins.
Charging on, Fleeing truth, bound by minor sins.
Knowing lies, trapping speech, it never ends
No pain to feel, just walking on, like unborn twins.
Reading signs, blinking tears, smiling just like
a fool wandering the desert of dirty sands,
feeling fire in his eyes, looking at a red dawn
fanning desire bound by madness, in insane lands.
Smoke rising from distant stars, burning out
their lives in a futile imitation of bright souls
churning and hearing voices in my head, ghouls flying ,
tearing at unseen flesh, drinking from blood bowls.
Two birds pelting the air with screeches, in the
heat of the moment forgetting to change their mind
Not smiling to please, listening to noone, learning
to fly and die the way they choose, rejecting destiny.
Never open the eyes of brevity, expand on the wall
on which is written an ode to the useless chatter
that abounds. Tell me what I am looking for, feeling
my way like a blind man turned loose in a riot of colours
Flowers bloom in the distance, of greed and hate,
look all too familiar in the twilight streaming through
old, rotten curtains, in my eyes, a film of dirt and grime
They wither and die, and I feel sad, for the loss of greed.
I am here, trembling in fear, the land bows to me.
Darkness takes my heart and I rejoice in the chaos of
gore and madness. Visions come and illusions go,
soothing, unravelling the fabric of life and death below
A smile worth a thousand lives,
Cheering up a billion souls
Feeling pain in the torrents of fire
One sweet mistake in the flush of youth
Madness of hellfire burning, seething
Voices in the vines, feeling, feeling
like unwanted melodies, merging.
In symphonies unyielding,
playing the organs of fate,
twisting around the unwritten tales.
Ironies fester like an open wound..
Wishing for a life, an unbroken sound.
Dreams of a glade, untouched by taint
Reality stares, falling, breaking.
DOPE
I have had one too many cigarettes
lit by the promise of insignificant days
Heard the whispers going around,
Tipped up too many empty bottles,
too far in madness have I drowned.
Too many butts have I stubbed out,
While I waited on a traffic light
that never turned green.
Blown the dust of books never opened
Like a long dead face that's lost it's sheen.
Choked too many thoughts to a late death,
In the poison of a thousand burnt ashes.
Feared the days when I couldn't get a fix
On fleeting desires milling about in the wind.
Like a lighter giving false clicks.
Too few unspoilt dreams remain,
the fragments I have thrown away,
Forgotten in the broken pipes, left to rot
Disjointed noises have woken me up,
Drawing the last straws from the pot.
FIRE
Fanatics Fight their heads, and the story wins.
Charging on, Fleeing truth, bound by minor sins.
Knowing lies, trapping speech, it never ends
No pain to feel, just walking on, like unborn twins.
Reading signs, blinking tears, smiling just like
a fool wandering the desert of dirty sands,
feeling fire in his eyes, looking at a red dawn
fanning desire bound by madness, in insane lands.
Smoke rising from distant stars, burning out
their lives in a futile imitation of bright souls
churning and hearing voices in my head, ghouls flying ,
tearing at unseen flesh, drinking from blood bowls.
Two birds pelting the air with screeches, in the
heat of the moment forgetting to change their mind
Not smiling to please, listening to noone, learning
to fly and die the way they choose, rejecting destiny.
Never open the eyes of brevity, expand on the wall
on which is written an ode to the useless chatter
that abounds. Tell me what I am looking for, feeling
my way like a blind man turned loose in a riot of colours
Flowers bloom in the distance, of greed and hate,
look all too familiar in the twilight streaming through
old, rotten curtains, in my eyes, a film of dirt and grime
They wither and die, and I feel sad, for the loss of greed.
I am here, trembling in fear, the land bows to me.
Darkness takes my heart and I rejoice in the chaos of
gore and madness. Visions come and illusions go,
soothing, unravelling the fabric of life and death below
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