meandering meaning

Nothing is beautiful, if you stare at it too long. Nothing is flawless, if you look hard enough. In an illusionary existence, all I can do is try to make a place, nay, the place, my own. The world is because I think it is. After me, the world ceases to exist. In this undeserving place, what I can do, and what I create is my own, and mine to contemplate, to destroy, to leave alone or interfere with, to mock, kill, rejuvenate, reincarnate, discard at my fancy, hate, bemoan, vandalize.. Mine to play with and mine to hoard.