Doshte

Sitting in the night, drinking the tears away,
Remembering the talks long gone, in days fading today
Voices in my head, singing alone, cheering on the pain..
Why can't we listen to our hearts again...?

A thousand days it has been since it was over
A magic pill to take away the deep desire,
I have been looking for a way to be free again.
Why don't we listen to our hearts again...?

Visions haunting me through the lonely nights,
Of your smile, in those days you would drink and ring,
When you freed my world of all fear and pain.
Why don't we listen to our hearts again?

Never imagined I would be alone, drinking away the pain
Never thought I would remember the lonesome nights..
You kindled the fire, you burnt the flame in the rain..
Wouldn't you listen to my heart again?

In the nights that you expressed your deepest desire,
When you'd call me, just to hear my voice,
When I'd hold you close, even though we were far apart,
Wouldn't you listen again, listen to my broken heart?

Wasn't there a dream once, a dream of you and I..
Lying wordlessly, under the moonless, starlit sky?
Before you brought it down, never looking back,
Now you walk with the man you vowed never to look at..

I am not waiting for you to say it again,
lies never last long, not when you have to feign,
all of them, down to the words you never meant,
But i keep looking back, lamenting that I dreamt...

Not a thing do I regret, not the trust and faith
Life goes on, they say, needing no one by your side,
BUt I wonder, through days and nights, wonder all the same
Would you ever listen to my heart again?

Oh My Fucking God!!! I just recognized that uneasy feeling which was nagging at me since the hard drive on my laptop crashed. My Journal! And all the poems that I had written.. All gone.. No chance of recovering any of it. That journal! 1 year of my life, one year of despair- all gone, in another moment of despair! Maybe it's a good thing, there's one less thing to remind me of the uneasy past, maybe the worst time of my yet short life..

But it is mortifying, all the same...