This, now.

A ring of smoke curls up,
Between my fingers,
slightly shaking fingers,
losing the will to bring
the stick to my lips again.

THe blue smoke curls and spirals,
spirals up and into the heavens,
antagonising my life,
which just goes the other way.
falling, falling away.

Ash clings to my clothes,
which haven't been washed,
not in days, smelling
of rotting promises,
and reeking of bad choices.

Waking from another nightmare
Chasing the dreams away,
A routine that screams,
pleads to be thrown away.
By my still shaking fingers.

Flying under the blue, poison moon,
drinking away a salty taste,
It's my blood that reeks,
with the scent of cowardice.
Still denying that I ran.

I shoult till i am blue,
blue like the moon,
shout at whoever will listen,
but noone does, noone bothers,
Perhaps it is indeed wrong?

Defer to none.

I struggle against sleep,
Trying to keep my eyes open,
if they close, I shall lose,
what it means to be awake.
The hours pass along,
one after the other,
they march on, turning my
sleepless nights into a long drama,
One which has neither an ending,
nor the curtains ever fall.
A weird snake slides down my throat,
Clutching my nicotine starved lungs.

Feeling the familiar thirst,
the old lust claiming its fill.
Drinking away every ounce of faith,
Clearing the path for no misery.
Unseen medusae turned me to stone,
yet i clung to the one shred of belief
No matter what was to happen,
You'd bring me relief.
I was mistaken, as ever,
you couldn't even read under
my sleep starved eyes.