Neon Staircase

I walk down the same roads,
The same ones as yesterday.
The asphalt glimmering,
In the moonlight from far away.
I walk on to the stairs,
the escalator moving up,
forever into an endless night,
The endless stairs moving up.
Streetlights light up the way,
all the way to the stairs,
those that never end.
I walk on along familiar paths,
Seeing the same old stairs,
falling away.

I pass to the next road,
millions of headlights floating away
A river of humanity, hidden,
from my eyes keeps away.
Frozen cars and lost voices,
I see the paint peeling away.
From the buildings that emptied,
Emptied with the passing of the day.
I see the windows with no blinds,
lidless and tired, waiting,
waiting for teh night to pass.
Amid this quiet roar,
of a city in repose,
I feel my purpose slipping away.

I see the neon signs,
Blinking at me, and ever calling,
Singing a song to the silent night
It's not just me who heeds
the beauty of the night air,
tinged with burnt fuel,
and the bright green neon signs.
I feel the silent city,
singing the same weary song,
That I sing while I walk,
Along with it, in the neon night.
Though the people sleep,
I am awake watching the signs,
and along with me the city,
Singing forever a weary song.

Lot N

Distant Dreams

In a morning far away,
from the cities that we know,
I gather the future in my thoughts,
In which you are not too distant.

The blanket of fog clears,
But the chill wind reminds me,
of your warmth, that I crave,
One too far from my reach.

A memory makes me smile,
as I remember your lips on mine,
and the scented air,
thick with love, between us.

I see the morning sun,
Kissing the cold moon away,
Wonder when it'll be our time,
when the day begins with you.

The moment crawls to a stop,
and through the half shut door,
sounds of the city tease the ears,
Yet I miss your voice.

I close my eyes, and I can feel,
your hand in mine,
and no thoughts to interrupt,
my reverie, none to dispel the silence.

Time starts again, realizing it paused,
and throws me a tender glance,
Promising me a life with you,
and never ending joy.




Blood On The Run

I sit there, on the road,
staring at the setting sun.
The sky dyed with crimson,
and the air stinking foul.

There's a little boy,
lying on the road,
His guts spilling out,
And His blood on the run.

For a sin that never was,
The blood spilled over,
And through the sun kissed
Roads, flew on to water.

Blood on the run/
Blood on water,
Running away,
Congealing in the mind.

I saw a little girl,
lying on the next road,
Her legs broken,
by some man's creation.

Newer blood, not yet dry,
And on her cheeks,
teardrops cleaned a river,
amond some blood on the run.

Lying in the pool of blood,
I looked at her and asked,
Why the sad face,
Isn't death peace?

Her blood slipping away,
Taking her life with it,
She handed me a wish,
and died.

Flowing on the river of blood,
I took her wish,
and back to the road I went.
To the road that river sent (me).

The boy was lying,
no more blood to spill,
and for the briefest while,
I wanted to run.

But I had a wish to deliver,
so I picked the boy,
laid him next to his sister,
But they felt nothing.

Blood on the run,
I wondered where it all went,
To the river where the water was red
To the seas where the sun set.

Blood on water,
such a beautiful sight,
and the wishes it had borne,
never fulfilled.

Blood on the run,
Blood on water,
To the other side of time,
Where blood flows no more.



Forgetting Time

In those carefree days,
when there was no love,
nor did hate cloud our mind,
in that time gone by,
I knew a girl so sweet,
who'd just see me and smile.
I never saw more than her face,
Knew just her name,
and that was by accident.
But her smile followed me,
and whenever I looked,
she would be somewhere, near.
In such a time I knew no fear,
pain had no meaning,
friends meant a few people,
whom, I went home, and forgot.
Those times are gone,
I can't recollect any faces,
but I still remember,
that sweet smile floating by.

This, now.

A ring of smoke curls up,
Between my fingers,
slightly shaking fingers,
losing the will to bring
the stick to my lips again.

THe blue smoke curls and spirals,
spirals up and into the heavens,
antagonising my life,
which just goes the other way.
falling, falling away.

Ash clings to my clothes,
which haven't been washed,
not in days, smelling
of rotting promises,
and reeking of bad choices.

Waking from another nightmare
Chasing the dreams away,
A routine that screams,
pleads to be thrown away.
By my still shaking fingers.

Flying under the blue, poison moon,
drinking away a salty taste,
It's my blood that reeks,
with the scent of cowardice.
Still denying that I ran.

I shoult till i am blue,
blue like the moon,
shout at whoever will listen,
but noone does, noone bothers,
Perhaps it is indeed wrong?

Defer to none.

I struggle against sleep,
Trying to keep my eyes open,
if they close, I shall lose,
what it means to be awake.
The hours pass along,
one after the other,
they march on, turning my
sleepless nights into a long drama,
One which has neither an ending,
nor the curtains ever fall.
A weird snake slides down my throat,
Clutching my nicotine starved lungs.

Feeling the familiar thirst,
the old lust claiming its fill.
Drinking away every ounce of faith,
Clearing the path for no misery.
Unseen medusae turned me to stone,
yet i clung to the one shred of belief
No matter what was to happen,
You'd bring me relief.
I was mistaken, as ever,
you couldn't even read under
my sleep starved eyes.

Of Buzzing and flying..

Wiggling my toes in socks, but the winter's over,
Little tingles running, it's too hot now.
Yet the fan blowing too fast cools down faster.
Faster than in the months to come.

Quietly it creeps up, then unleashes a buzz,
In my ears an explosion of white noise.
Flapping like a madman, I beat away the first,
The first mosquito of many to come.

Having nothing better to do, I sit and stare,
At this screen, and type away nonsense .
To while away the time, to scatter thoughts,
Unbidden and unwanted they catch me unawares.

The mosquito was a welcome change, buzzing away.
But changes last only a while, and the cool night,
It gives way to the hot and humid day.
Where my collar sticks to my neck, itching.

Such is the start to this summer, as always.
Comes with the promise of new feelings,
Lying in its premise of a new start,
But deceiving.. as ever.. unchanging.

"I am not like you, and I don't want to be like you"

Twice.. in the course of a single week I have heard this one phrase, "I am not like you, and I don't want to be like you". It hurts.. I cannot reveal how sensitive I am.. only because it hurts even more.. These words cut me to the bone.. and yet.. i can neither deny not defend myself.. After all.. this is but a creation of my own.. i am a creature of my own lies.. held prisoner by the cage of fabrications I have built around myself...

How do I show anything.. Emotions are a luxury I cannot afford.. i hide all feeling behind the cruel exterior I project.. and hope someone.. anyone would look past that.. but noone does.. and I labour on.. Noone is truly alone.. and yet I am.. because I am seemingly perfect.. happy.. and free of pain..

Because I try to lend a friend some strength, i am taken as cold hearted.. a conceited fool.. who isn't affected at all.. and is only out to derive as much superficial gratification as quick as possible. It hurts still.. when this same person says, "I don't want to be like you". Look past the armour, just once....

To all my "Friends"

Don't need no girls, don't need no friends,
All i want is another cigarette.
Don't need your concern, keep away your false
sympathy.
Just give me a nice long drag..

Been through all the shit you throw,
Seen all the love you can show.
Keep your feelings close to you,
Just give me another cigarette.

Feeling a little buzzed out now,
a couple of downers down,
and the nicotine going out.
Please light me up another one.

Why is the pack so empty now,
where did you throw them away?
Didn't I say fuck off bitches,
All you false friends keep away.

Not one of you ever listens to me,
not one, but this burning end.
It burns me, but hey,
at least it doesn't pretend.

So don't nag me now,
don't stop me since you never cared.
Don't come at me now,
My pains you never shared.

Just leave me alone with a light,
let me smoke my last in peace.
For all you ever did,
was use me and then leave.

No this ain't for just you dear,
and not just the one who cried.
(false tears), they ever were,
false as the circles i blow.


This is for all you who dare
Call you my friends, and lie.
Did you ever think you were
worth the ash I threw away?

You told me your tales,
made me do your dirty work,
then left me when i needed a friend
With your conscience unbothered.

How I long for my one true friend
that kills me with every breath,
Just hand me a pack,
and no, don't pity me, hag!

I pull in the smoke,
feel it burning my throat,
choke on the last drag,
I won't last long.

But hey, who cares, right?
For I am alone,
now and forever,
My life the endless night.

THe only thing that shall
never desert me,
is the smoke,
burning my eyes.

Sleepless Night

Sitting awake in the death of the night,
where stars begin to fail,
THe soft glow of the screen before me,
a silent terror of tonight,
A dead weight on my heart, dusty
and clouded eyes of mine, wondering.

How did I end up here, alone and forsaken?
Whose blood is it that cakes my hands,
darkening to brown, the red giving way?
Bereft of senses, escaping the tide,
that's clamping upon my throat,
smothering the sob that rises.

A man's tears, they are precious,
And never shall I shed one,
for they are a strength answerable
to none, except myself alone.
And thus I sit, awake,
Still wondering at my predicament.

My eyes refuse to close, denying
me even the sanctuary of nothingness.
A single sigh enters,
through the almost closed window.
I look up to see the curtains flutter
And die again, like hope in my life.

In the basest of human desires,
I look for solace, and find it too.
But at a cost of losing my sanity?
But no.. even that hope deserts me.
I sense yet the approaching morning,
and am afraid again.

With the passing hours, realization
Dawns, coming together with the
memory of my blood soaked hands,
and the pain inside, that hurts more.
THe wind dies down, patiently waiting
for a cry from me.

For a moment I feel someone,
standing behind me, almost..
Assuring me I wasn't alone.
False hope, as always..
For noone ever shall care,
like noone ever has.

The blood hardening on my hands,
is my own, As is the wound deep
inside. The marks are long gone.
the pain yet remains, blunt
and hurts all the more for that.
A reminder of my naive thoughts.