A Day
The sun streaming through Slightly parted curtains,
Specks dancing, playing, teasing coquetteshly.
Shadows lighting up the room, memories floating,
On the light beams, a smile forming on my dry lips.
The warm sun, whispering in my ears, words unformed,
Thought and dreams holding hands, like children
uncaring of troubles, unfettered of heart, unspoilt.
And thoughts entwined, sorrow and joy merging.
Between the light and the dark, Feelings scrolling
up and down, confused, and hazy feelings blowing
away in the shadows, clarity and logic make sense.
The fruits rotting, of the seeds I had taken case sowing.
The curtains mock me, I am tricked by the light
which gave me hope, only to destroy that which never was.
I smile, yet another smile, but fear, that the shadows,
they hide my smile, and make me fear my own farce.
Care I had taken, memories I had found precious,
Mistakes I repented, and redemption I sought.
Hope, and a path were shown to me, in the specks,
which all but mock me now, joy I must do without.
In a haze
Up and sown
in a hazy room
sight and sound merge,
dreams ring and dance
To a beat of stiff coffee
which chases me
waving a grating symphony.
I hear the bells, ringing
my knell, banging a
melody that splits my head.
A voice- sways and lilts
in a tone - stakes pierce
and nerves shatter
in a bleak imitation
of life ending birth.
Night crawls to a stop,
The glazed eyes close
and fix me with a stare
of the dead, which bothers
me, but not much. I surrender
my being, and struggle
To remember the voice,it
calls to me again.
I- Joker
Scratched Glasses, Bleary eyes,
Looking at the world closing in on me
Feeling a lifetime of failure addding up
And not a thought that sets me free.
Chasing after illusions that never were
Dying desire, and the breath of a coward
make me think of the lost chances,
or is it that they never were heard?
No tears left to spend, none to spare
for you, But my eyes water, all the same.
Memories that refuse to fade, sting,
and to a bitter night, lay their unfair claim.
I fear the lonely hours, fear for my sense
But welcome the life I lay waste.
I hope the tears stop someday, even now,
Their bitterness my lips no longer can taste.
Seeds I had sown, of hope, in ecstacy
forgotten my place, against fate I conspired.
Their dead harvest I am left with,
Life mocks me till it grows tired.
The devils of a false dawn cry my doom.
I kneel before cruel destiny's fiery altar
Offer all I have left, hoping to curse hope,
Lest I see the angel again, and my feet falter.
Heed me, destroyer of my soul,
This was not what you promised,
In the days that seemed life and joy,
couldn't be parted, and I wouldn't be punished.
You forgave me sins that were mine,
But made me pay for those that weren't.
You came and went as you pleased,
And I said not a word against all my torment.
Now you smile at my distress, laugh
at my foolish hopes. I grudge not that,but smile.
at my earlier self. Berate myself for believing you,
but never again shall I lead myself into such guile.
- Like A Speck
and stutters, the haze
shifting and dancing suffers
me to come and feel
the heat and acrid smell
hanging around me,
and devouring me
from the inside,
the bristling skin on
my face burns my desire
for a shade that I see
in the distance,
moving and alluring,
like a voice that calls
to me, speaking of comfort,
and pulling away any
shred of dignity I have
left, after the deserted hope
which fails me, and yet
sustains me, and killing me
slowly, making me thirst for
a touch that will give me warmth
which I remember, but forget
whose it was, the pain dulling
with every moment, spent
in mourning what never was mine,
an illusion which lasted not
even a while, but showed
what could be, but could never
be, for it kissed the flames
burning, and churning my being
twisting and turning a knife
inside my mind, the war rages
that matters not, since it is
lost before it ever began
and subsides, but not
before laying waste all
that ever was good in me,
and destroying all that
was bad in me, leaving me nothing
but a shell that is void
but feels and knows not,
yielding to none but
the one who heeds me not.
- Silent, yet.....
I look for her, trying to search for a meaning
in the madness of the times, having no faith
The sands run out, I lose my bearings,
And she keeps getting further away.
Her feelings, her cries, they reach me, torture me
yet she heeds them not, and rots in her own hell.
What am I to do, to keep me sane, bear the pain?
Her love is painful, rough and calm, I come near
her, and am scorched by passion, a mockery of fear
Is it my fate to be in chains?
Life loses to lies, death yields no relief,
and she, she moves on, in her own hell, tortured beyond belief.
I close my eyes, and her breath burns me,
less than it hurts her. She screams a silent scream
I whisper a silent prayer. Lost in the confusion,
Our feelings intermingle, and disappear.
Her life, she fritters away, and wastes mine in agony.
Of losing her, the endless wait I embrace as destiny.
My life, my times, they pass me by, as I look for that
one smile, one acceptance of my love, and her victory
over her devils, going beyond all and being mine, and nothing matters.
But the wait, it's penance for my sins, and my soul is in tatters.
The tears dry not, they pierce my eyes, my very being
wracked by a suffering I knew not, searches for wings
that have been rent asunder. I yearn to take away all her pain
Take them all into me, so that she is left with nothing
but a smile that knows there is someone who loves her as much,
and she alone shall he be bound to.. I long for your touch...
